Saying “no” gets a bad reputation – one that’s completely unwarranted in our opinion. It’s associated with negativity, selfishness, and a lack of spontaneity. And no one wants to have these qualities assigned to them, and therefore, we end up saying yes. To a whole lot. This overwhelms us, stresses us out, and leaves little time for what actually matters in life: being present with those we hold closest. Want to feel more confident saying no? Wondering how saying no can actually open up a whole lot of yes in your life? Keep reading, friend!
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What We’re Saying No to This Season
We’re saying no to too many commitments.
In both our personal and professional lives, there are so many opportunities. So many chances to join clubs, organizations, meet friends for lunch, volunteer…
The list is endless.
And, when you’re someone who wants to connect, help and engage in your community, it can be really, really hard to turn down those opportunities. Even if it’s something you’re not super excited about, you might still be inclined to say yes because you don’t want to disappoint someone.
But we’re still saying no, so that we can say yes.
Yes to an intentional schedule that doesn’t leave us feeling depleted at the end of the day. Yes to putting in all we’ve got to just a few commitments rather than half of what we’ve got to too many.
Ask yourself: do you have too many commitments? You might feel the yes come from your gut. We’re familiar with that feeling of overwhelm, that fear of disappointing others. But are you disappointing yourself by saying yes to too many commitments?
Get started: Be your own advocate. Choose the commitments that mean the most to you, and feel confident when saying no to others. The disappointment from others might be completely imagined, and you can almost guarantee that the sky won’t fall from you declining a commitment. What we can definitely guarantee, though, is a newfound relief when you look at your redesigned and intentional schedule that allows you to breathe.
Saying no can be totally worth it.
We’re saying no to projects that don’t further our mission.
This might seem like it only applies to our professional lives, but we all have personal missions too, whether we’ve ever articulated them or not. In our case, our personal and professional missions intertwine with each other: we want to return to our roots of family, connection and storytelling.
If you aren’t sure of what your personal or professional missions might be, take a minute to yourself and journal out some possibilities. Jot down a few priorities of yours and then craft those into a mission statement.
When you have a mission statement, it becomes a whole lot easier to take on projects that further that mission, and clearly see the ones that don’t.
With that in mind, we’re saying no to projects that don’t further our mission, so we can say yes to the projects that are meaningful to us, so that we can pour our whole hearts into them, getting closer to our life’s goals.
Get started: Create your own personal (or professional) mission statement, write it down and place it somewhere prominent so that you have a daily reminder that guides you in your choices.
We’re saying no to extra expenses that only feel good in the now.
Did you catch our budgeting post from a few weeks ago?! If not, read it now: Family Budgeting Ideas You Can Start Today. It details how we’re realizing that budgeting isn’t a limitation, but rather an opportunity to invest in big picture, bucket list items that fill us up.
We’re saying no to extra expenses now so that we can say yes to experiences that make us feel like we’re living life in a meaningful way rather than simply collecting things that clutter our homes and hearts.
Get started: Read our post and consider what your family can start saying no to in order to live a more fulfilled life.
We’re saying no to perfectionism.
We’ll admit it: we used to be enchanted by perfectionism. We used to think it was the ultimate goal and we’d try so, so hard to achieve it. But, instead, it just left us feeling less than. Striving for perfectionism always ended in heartache, as we always seemed to fall short.
And of course, that’s what happened. We’re human.
This season, we’re embracing our imperfect selves and welcoming loved ones into our homes, as is. If you’ve been following us on social, you’ll notice that we’ve been talking a lot about what we’re cleaning and preparing for guests…and what we’re not. Because we can’t do it all, and that’s okay. In exchange, we’re meeting our friends and family wherever they are, too. The pressure to be perfect then evaporates, and that’s when intimate connections can begin.
When we let go of perfectionism, we start seeing that life’s beauty isn’t in the flawless, it’s in the flawed.
Therefore, we’re saying no to perfectionism, so that we can say yes to connection.
Get started: Do you have an aspect of your life where you feel like you’re constantly falling short? Reframe how you’re seeing it by asking yourself if you’re seeking perfection. (It happens to us all the time!) When you start to see your perfectionism for what it is – unhelpful and hindering – you’re able to let go of unnecessary standards a bit easier. It takes time to unlearn these behaviors, so be kind to yourself in the process.
The Buzzworthy Takeaway
Friend, it’s okay to say no. In fact, we’ve shown you several ways that no isn’t negative at all. In fact, it opens up doors and allows you to live a more connected, meaningful life.
But, we also understand that it can feel scary to say no. What ifs start popping up in your mind. What if I upset or disappoint someone? What if this opportunity is the only opportunity I’ll ever have – regardless of if it aligns with my mission? What if I don’t know what I’m giving up by saying no?
All of these second guesses and worries are normal; however, when you have a clear personal mission and start to see things clearer, these “what ifs” will become less potent, less intimidating. And when you start saying no, you’ll find that the weight you carry will lessen and you’ll feel lighter and happier.
Because in the end, sometimes a no really is a yes.
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