I was listening to the I Will Teach You To Be Rich podcast by Ramit Sethi recently and while he was coaching one of his guest couples, he made an observation that has remained with me since the day I heard that episode. The woman was describing her experience with perfectionism, a trait I have always struggled with, and Ramit made a statement about how her tendencies created an “all-or-nothing” mindset. That very statement hit me like a ton of bricks.
As I allowed the words to sink in, I reluctantly scanned the contents of my home and immediately pointed out multiple unfinished projects waiting for my attention. I saw visions of a home I long for that ultimately resulted in more failed attempts than I’d like to admit. This simple acknowledgment caused a sense of discomfort I wasn’t ready to deal with, but the realization of what was truly happening helped me come to terms with the half-finished rooms that make up my home.
If I can’t have it all, I don’t want any of it. That, my friends, is perfectionism in a nutshell.
A few weeks later, I found myself considering my “word of the year” for 2022, and I couldn’t help but think of the words Ramit shared with his guest. I couldn’t help but wonder if that was where I should place my focus this year. For as long as I can remember, I have yearned to overcome my proneness to perfectionism. In many ways, my inclination to control my environment has proved to work in my favor. However, I know this toxic trait has hindered other areas of my life I have longed to develop. I am also aware that perfectionism can be a way to disregard aspects I cannot control, but what can I say? We tend to be creatures of habit and submitting to our pitfalls is often easier than addressing them.
When a little becomes a little more…
So, as I contemplated my word for the year, I kept coming back to the phrase “all-or-nothing” and knew I wanted the exact opposite of that in my life. For thirty-six years, I have surrendered my “control” to perfectionism, but that is not the life I long to maintain. And with that, I know I have to take things one day at a time. When dream projects come to mind, I know I have to proceed with one task before the next. It’s ok to look to the future and to dream big, but it’s most important to understand all good things take time, because all good things are accomplished little by little.
And just like that, the word I was searching for turned out to be a simple little phrase. A phrase I’ve heard many times before but was unable to uncover until I let go of finding the “perfect” word. Little by little, I will accomplish those visions and dreams that keep me up at night. Little by little I will let go of the traits I’ve allowed to hold me back. Little by little, I will become the person I strive to be and live the life I have always longed for; free and deeply connected.
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